When I'm by the ocean or by a large, lush field.

When i'm around people I feel safe with, with whom I can feel totally free to be myself. 

I would realy like to have gotten to know my uncle Patrick.  My mom says he was gay, and it would've been really nice to have another gay relative to talk with or relate to.  I often wonder what my life or his life would be like had he lived.  He died in a motorcycle accident when I was like 3, so i don't remember him at all.  Lately I've been trying to lucid dream, so i could possibly communicate with him and other dead relatives, but I don't know if that's possible. 

I like to think he is there for me, giving me strength when life is really tough. 

This sounds so superficial, but at the moment, all i can think of are material things that lift my spirits. 

Finding a cheap, classy outfit or article of clothing, or having enough money to do or buy anything I want.

A good song or movie, or a beautiful landscape also lifts my spirits. 

Being close to the ocean.

Spending quality time with my family and friends.

DELICIOUS food.

Being with someone supporitve, loving, strong and loyal.

HOW exactly can I become a financially & spiritually abundant person????  Tell me, please!!!

I so wish for someone to just come up to me- a mentor, a guide, a guru- to help guide me or explain to me the exact or rough path of how to obtain wealth.  The old saying, "Whent he student is ready, the master will appear" keeps running through my mind; I am ready and waiting for not just one, but any number of smart masters to help show me the way to becoming a millionaire.

Wow, what an appropriate question for me.  I have had a troubled relationship with sleep my entire life.  As a child, my mom said I would hardly ever sleep at night.  I've ALWAYS had so much trouble falling asleep, but when I DO fall asleep, I sleep hard.  I can sleep through an earthquake pretty much. 

But over recent years it has gotten better-  after toying around with sleep advice from pretty much everywhere and anyone, and figuring out what works best for me.  Lately I don't have much trouble at all falling asleep.  But I do have a hard time waking up; I never feel fully rested or restored when I get up, even when I sleep in.  It's so frustrating because i know i could be accomplishing so much more in the mornings if I wasn't rushing around trying to get ready for work or breakfast as a result of struggling to wake up.  I chant about getting quality sleep everyday and waking up everyday feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, or to find out WHY I'm not waking up feeling like this. 

I'm also trying to lucid dream, but i don't seem to be making any headway...

For a large part of my young life, I wanted to be famous.  I suppose I just wanted the attention.  I thought it would be wonderful to have people look at me with awe and respect.  I wanted to be a famous actor.

But I've changed my mind on that over the years- the Paprazzi is one major factor in being famous.  I mean, who wants their private lives under the scrutiny of the public lens 24/7??  I do not.  I still fantasize sometimes about being famous (although not as an actor); I would like to be remembered as someone inspirational, kind and a free spirit.  Like Martin Luther King Jr., Harvey Milk, or anyone who fought for justice, equality and love for all life.  But, still- I would want to keep my life as private as possible.

I seem to smile at anything- just my nature.  But the last thing that really warmed my heart was when I watched the movie "UP".  It was so heart-warming, and the visuals and music were so beaufitul.  It's rare to find cartoons that appease both children and adults, and Pixar always seems to do a great job with their movies.  I wish Disney still made quality cartoons like that. 

Studying abroad in Chile for 4 months.  I felt like I organized it mostly by myself, and there were some really complicated hurdles when I finally got there. 

There were all sorts of problems with my student visa, which the Chilean embassy in Seattle fucked up, along with my major lack of money to really travel and do more fun activities... plus, I didn't really bond with my host family as well as other students did.  However, I did bond with them more than others as well, so that's a plus. 

It wasn't the experience I was expecting or wanting, so that was dissapointing.  But, I became fluent in Spanish, made some awesome friends, and was immersed in an entirely different culture- which is what I did want.

I damaged my relationship with my boyfriend.  I told him I wanted to move back to Seattle (i've been going to university up here in Alaska for the past 5 years).  He got really upset, and then when i told him my desires to start seeing other people, he got even MORE upset.  I don't want our relationship to be damaged, but I suppose some damage takes place when two people end a partnership.  Sigh.  It is my wish that we remain friends forever, and i'm trying not to inflict any more damage on him or our relationship.

Oo!  Oooo!  I know this one!  My life could be more balanced if I was in better shape!  Although I'm not sure what a "balanced life" really means- does that mean having a balance of love, fun, spontaneity, aggresiveness, play, drive???  I would think that our lives are always thrown off-balance by outside sources. 

All I know right now is that I will feel more balanced once I have attained the body which I desire, which I deserve.  I've been working out everyday and controlling my portions when eating.  I hope to be in shape by the end of the month.  But everytime I look at my gut, I get discouraged.  I know I've lost weight, because of how my pants sag slightly, but I want to get to where nothing jiggles when I jump up & down. 

Happiness is a state of mind- you can be imprisoned, impoverished, and still be happy.  It's almost like a decision to be happy despite outside factors or circumstances.

But, that being said, those outside forces can still majorly affect one's happiness.  Happiness to me (and I know the first might sound ultra materialistic) is

1) Having and making enough money to never worry about financial burdens

2) Having loving and supportive friends and family around you.

3) Having a purpose or drive in life.

4) Living in an environment you like and one in which you can grow as a person.

Seems like #1 is the most hard to obtain for me right now.

Happiness is abundance in all things.

The defintions are pretty subjective to me.  A "need" is something you "cannot live without", and a "want" is something you just, well, WANT, but can live without.  Of course, it all depends on the person on whether they can live with or without something.  You see these spoiled people saying how they just cannot live without the latest car, handbag, dress, gadget, etc.  I think their priorities are a little messed up to judge whether or not they need or want something.

I don't think I have a lot of needs.  I need:
- a stable home
- loving and supportive friends
- money
- music

That's really all I can think of at the moment, although i'm sure I have other needs.  And like many of us, my WANT list is a little longer than my NEEDS list. 

i would be devastated.  I don't really consider myself having too many material possessions that I really care about.  But all the hardwork and money I put into being the few valuables that I DO have- i would be so sad to lose them.  Things like my laptop, iPod, clothes, and memorabilia from the past. 

I know I would be able to "re-build" what I had lost- gain enough money to buy a new laptop, iPod and clothes.  I'd probably try to look at it as a fresh start- being able to get the newest technology and gadgetry.  As for the memorable objects, i'd probably be sad for a long time, mourning their loss.  But i'd remind myself that (for now) I know who I am and I don't need objects to remind me.  But I'm afraid of what would happen if I get Alzheimers when i'm older and can't remember anything memorable. 

For a partner to make me happy....Someone could be my all- hmm, maybe I've been reading too much Twilight books.  What I mean is, someone who loves me completely; flaws and all.  Someone who is...

-supportive
-attractive
-emotionally stable
-financially abundant
-brimming with love and affection (especially for me)
-protective of me (there's that Twilight thing again)

I believe that's it.  Someone can make me happy by simply being all those things ;-) 

For just a friend or anyone off the street to make me happy.... someone could just be supportive and a good listener.  I feel like many people rarely want to LISTEN to other people talk about their problems; most people just wait till you're done speaking so that they can tell you about their problems.  I feel like i'm always the one listening to people and their problems.  I love that with my closest friends and family, they can just sit there and let me fume or think out loud.

Someone can also make me happy by imparting on my knowledge of how to make money and be financially abundant.

I would describe it as being vastly improved from when I was younger.  It was so low when I was a teenager. 

I don't know- how do you rate your self-esteem?  Good?  Bad?  High?  Low?  Stable?  Needs work?  Sounds like the condition of a car. 

I'm very comfortable with my self-esteem, although I would like more guys to find me attractive so that my self-esteem could be boosted.  But I've learned to use that lack of attractiveness as fuel to work out, exercise and just improve my body and health, so that's good. 

Balancing your self-esteem based on your own mind and the opinions of others is a funny thing.  Because I don't care what people say- it's difficult and a bit far-fetched to have a high self-esteem about your body if no one pays you a compliment once in a while.  People insist that YOU alone need to build up and reinforce your self-esteem.  But that's hard to do without confirmation, affirmation from others.